“A Piece of You”

WRITTEN BY: NINA PHAM
IN HONOR OF: KATIE PHAM

Dear ma,

A week ago Scooter Braun asked me if I would want to get a tattoo with someone's DNA in it. He was considering investing in a technology that could do so and wondered what my thoughts were since he saw the black rose tattoo on my shoulder.

He had no idea that that tattoo was for you, though I did tell him eventually since I found it so ironic that the ink that caught his eye to ask this question was actually for someone who has passed, making the concept of having a piece of that someone ingrained in you instinctively more interesting.

Only for a brief moment though. It took me but a few seconds to tell him my answer.

No.

No, I wouldn't get someone's DNA on me - not even yours. Aside from all the scientific questions I'd have about the process, it doesn't provide me anything I don't already have.

It's been nearly five years without you... but I've never once felt like you weren't with me. Since you've been gone I've missed you more than words could ever describe... but I don't feel like you've left. Having your DNA on me can't bring me closer to you - you are already a part of me because I am a piece of you.

Anyone that didn't have the privilege of knowing you could easily figure out who you were because they know me. My maternal drive, my well-roundedness, my goofiness, my intelligence, my cooking skills, my won't-take-shit-from-anyone attitude, my boss behavior, my ability to do anything I tell myself I'll do, and wow... my strength. Some may even say my beauty! (I know you loved those compliments the most haha.)

In honor of your birthday this year, I gave people the option to leave you a message when purchasing tickets to the celebration. The first message alone was proof of what I mean: "Happy Birthday Mama Pham! Thank you for blessing this world with such a queen. Even though we never had the pleasure, I’m sure I know where she gets it from."

So what good would having a piece of your DNA on me do at this point? I'm proud as it is every time I get to say this beautiful black rose with wonderfully shaded petals and water droplets that's perfectly placed on my left shoulder is for you.

You may remember me telling you I would get this tattoo done - it was one of the easier times of getting your approval since it was something in your honor and can't just disappear.

What we didn't know was this tattoo's permanence has nothing on your presence. Your physical being might be gone but your heart beats with mine every second of every day. I like to think it has doubled the size of my heart to feel, receive, and give more love than most people can.

So even though today is your birthday and I should be gifting you with something… I'm the one that's been given the best gift of all. And that's being able to call you my mother; a mother that is with me always with a love is that unmatched.

And that goes both ways. What do you know... another way I am like you. 

Happy birthday, beautiful.

Love,
Nini